8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
