It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
