Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
