I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wear drunk well.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
