remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
