dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didn't notice because vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
