I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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