She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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