Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
