i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
