i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
