I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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