Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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