it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
