i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
