forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
