I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
