Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
