Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
