the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you win again, gameday.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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