If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
