was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
