I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
