....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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