Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
