Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
