I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
