there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
