Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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