sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
