the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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