Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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