Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
