HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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