Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
