My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
