every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
