he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
