For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
