idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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