She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
