WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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