My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I look better un-naked...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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