You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
