yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
