i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
