i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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