went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
