Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
