checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
