I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
