i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
