I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
