apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
